Drowning in Fear, Floating on Hope
by ranbowsh3rb3rt
Summary: Annie's POV from the night that Finnick leaves for the Capitol and on. Filled with thoughts, fears, flashbacks, and lots more. You get to see inside the head of Annie Cresta as she deals with the loss of her true love and being pregnant wit his child.
1. Just a Dream

They were walking down a street that appeared to be empty, but they knew better. They knew that something was in front of them, waiting to attack. One of the men that I had never met walks forward and a swarm of Tracker Jackers burst out. Everyone ducks and takes cover while they wait for the next pod to break open. Soon a noxious gas is pouring through the streets.

"Masks on!" Gale yells in the distance and everyone struggles to pull on the masks that will protect them. After waiting for minutes that seem like hours, the buzz of the Tracker Jackers end and the smoke seems to clear. Finnick pokes his head up, smiling under his mask as he sees that although the gas is still there, the tracker jackers were gone and he wasn't stung.

"Is everyone alright?" Finnick yells out, waiting for responses. People start to sit up, Katniss grabs Gale by the scruff of his neck. He wasn't stung, but had hit his head a little too hard when he was diving for cover and was terribly dizzy. The cake decorator, Peeta, was there. He was acting as if he had been stung, but nobody had been unfortunate enough to be hit. He was thrashing around and screaming, calling people names and growling, as if he were a mutant of the Capitol. Someone, an Avox boy had taken him and pinned him against a wall while Gale and Finnick forced Katniss back.

They tried everything they could to make him quiet, but nothing would stop his voice from carrying. A camera hidden in a streetlamp turned towards them. Nobody noticed it, but it happened. I know it did. They would be on the Capitol's news broadcast soon and peacekeepers would be sent to find them. A button was pushed and the microscopic trackers embedded inside random things in that block of the capitol were activated. All someone would have to do is step in the wrong puddle of mud and they would be easily tracked.

After Peeta had calmed down, which took a while, they decided to go into the nearest building for shelter to rest and make sure nobody had sucked in the building was small, but had many levels. They set up camp in a room on the third floor. It was just big enough for all of them to pile into somewhat comfortably and had some used furniture in it.

They forced the Peeta boy into a corner and chained him to a bedpost, to control any possible outbursts. Gale was laying down in the opposite corner while someone rummaged through a first aid kit to fix his headache. They got him some pills and he was forced to swallow them dry. The Avox boy was sitting up against a wall, communicating with what looked like his brother. Everyone else was in the center of the room, making a plan.

"So, if we leave on the south side we can sneak down this street. It would be a more direct path to the Capitol." Katniss said, huddled over a map with multiple people I didn't know.

"It sounds good, but we will have to be more cautious. The will have more surprises for us. They will be ready for something like this." One of the men in the group said. He had a nice face and brown hair, combed to the side. He had probably never left District 13 in his life. His skin was pale and his eyes were the color of metal.

Finnick was sitting by the only window in the room, looking out cautiously and occasionally putting his opinion in the conversation about the next plan. I don't know what he was looking at, the view was quite boring, just capitol buildings all surrounding themselves. Far away in the distance was the Capitol building, but it wasn't visible from where he was. Maybe he was thinking about the secrets he learned, the people he had to sleep with to learn them. Maybe some of them were exchanged around here, in this neighborhood even. A crackling sound came from below them, the Avox was the first to hear it, but Finnick was the first one to speak up about it.

"Do you hear that?" He asks. Everyone stays silent and all of their faces change to panic. There was a fire starting underneath them.

"What do we do?" Peeta asks. Nobody had an answer. A few of them, one of the boys from 13, the Avox, his brother, and Finnick decide that they will venture downstairs to the second level and see if there is any sort of escape route. They walk down the stairs, that have no signs of of a fire and into the main living quarters on the second floor. Besides it getting increasingly warmer and a little smokey, there was nothing resembling a fire yet. The District 13 boy kicked open a door and smoke billowed into the room.

"Masks on!" He yelled, but everyone was already working on it. Everyone except Finnick, who forgot his upstairs in the heat of the moment. He took his shirt and put it over his nose and mouth and they continued to finding another way out. After many attempts they found the stairway. It was surrounded by flames, but seemed to be somewhat stable. It was their only option now.

"Come on" The Avox's brother shouted and headed down the stairs. The boy from District 13 followed him, then the Avox, and finally Finnick. Four steps down, Finnick swallowed a lung full of smoke. He started coughing uncontrollably. He comes from District 4, water was what he was comfortable with. Fire was the opposite of water, it was a scary thing for the fishing district. It wasn't scary because we were ever really in danger, but because it was something so different than what we knew. Seven steps down and the stairs gave way, leaving Finnick fall into the flames.

"FINNICK!" I yell, waking up tangled in my sheets again. Images of his face as he was falling flash before my eyes. I look around for him, but he isn't here. He is in the Capitol. I press my hands up against my ears and rock back and fourth. I wanted so badly for him to be here, to wrap his arms around me and tell me it was all a dream. I needed his chest to lay on while he strokes my hair and lulls me back to sleep. I need his steady heartbeat and kind words to encompass me, but all I can think is: _He's not here._

He left yesterday, on a special mission to the Capitol. He didn't tell me until he was leaving, said he didn't want to worry me more than he needed to.

"Annie, don't worry." He said brushing his hand against my cheek, brushing away a tear that had escaped from my eyes. "It will only be a couple of days. We're just shooting another propo. Just a couple of days and I'll be back home." I sighed, not wanting to let him go, but I knew he needed to go.

"Promise me you'll be safe. Promise me you'll come back" I said, trying to choke back the flood of tears that were trying to force their way up.

"I promise" and then he pulled me into a hug. I could hear his heart in his chest, beating perfectly. His arms held me close, with little room for wiggling away. But I didn't want to wiggle away, I wanted to stay there forever. After what could have been a few seconds or what could have been a lifetime he let go of me and twirled a piece of my hair. "I love you, Annie Odair." I smiled, loving his name as mine, but I soon remembered that he was leaving me. His army clothing already on.

"I love you too." He kissed me on the lips. I loved the feeling of his against mine. His were soft but powerful, fitting into mine as if it were meant to be. Every time we kissed, I wanted to melt like butter, into a puddle on the floor. Every time we kissed I forgot everything, all of the worry and pain, it was just us. That's how Finnick Odair made me feel. "You left me one, don't you do it again."

"I returned once, don't you think I won't do it again" and then he left. I spent the rest of the day in my room, watching whatever the television would play but not paying attention to any of it.

I remember when I first met Finnick Odair in person. I stood in the huddled crowd of people, the smell of the ocean carrying heavily in the air around us. Finnick Odair had won the Hunger Games five years before.

"Ladies first" Boomed from the speaker. The large bowl filled with names stood there, on the left side of the stage. It was different than the other District's, ours was built as part of the building, as to where the others were generally removable. Ours wasn't really a bowl, either, it was a large fish with his mouth gaping open. The one on the left was orange and many details were painted on each scale with a shiny metallic paint that never chipped or faded. The fish faced the opposite side of the stage, where a blue fish with the same pretty details that glimmered in the light stood, facing the orange one.

I wasn't looking at the speaker, I was staring down at my shoes. They were new, meant only for special occasions like weddings and reapings. They were golden sandals, used, but they didn't look like it. My dad had gotten them a few days ago. He had to trade a fair amount of what he caught that day to get them for me. It was sort of a birthday present in advance, he said. My dress was made out of an old floor length skirt of my mothers. It was a dark green color. I had knotted it at the top, entwining a freshly made net into it the fabric that caught light at the same time my shoes did. My mother had taken my hair and parted it deeply so that my hair flung off to the right side of my head. I then braided the left side carefully and put a flower from the bushes out back in my hair.

"Annie Cresta!" the name boomed over the speakers. I didn't realize it at first, but someone behind me hit me in the shoulder and said.

"Isn't that you?" I was completely shocked by the fear and took my name being called a few more times before I could move. As I stepped into the aisle where the peacekeepers escorted me up to the building I catch a glimps of my mother standing in the crowd. Her cheeks were red with sunburn, but there was more than that, tears were silently streaming down her face as she looked straight ahead. I walk up the stone steps, where they mayor and previous tributes await me. I shake each of their hands with particular stiffness. Finnick was the last one to shake my hand, he saw the fear in my face. He didn't say 'congratulations' or 'good luck' like the rest of them had, instead he looked me in the eyes and said:

"Are you ready?"

I let out a cry. I'm not the careless teenager, or the fighting tribute anymore. I am a mad girl locked up in her room in District 13. I try to steady my breathing, the first thing that people tell me to do when I freak out. _Is this real?_ I think. There was no reply.

"Is this real?" But the darkness stays silent. I remember that I'm alone and try to mimic Finnick. "Is what real, sweet heart?" I take a ragged breath and start the regimen that they taught me. Only this time it was different. After each statement, I wouldn't get Finnick's reassurance that what I just said had truth to it, this time I had to prove to myself that they were true.

"My name is Annie Cresta...no. Annie Odair.

I am the victor of the 70th annual Hunger Games.

I am married to Finnick Odiar, victor of the 65th annual Hunger Games.

I love him.

He loves me.

I come from District 4.

We fish.

I am not in District 4.

I am in District 13.

District 13 does exist.

It's all under ground.

They took me from the Capitol.." I shuddered saying the word 'Capitol'. It held so many bad memmories, but I kept going on. I needed to keep going. If I didn't continue than I would break down again, maybe going completely crazy. I played with the 'mentally unstable' bracelet they gave me shortly after I got here and went on.

"They saved me from the Capitol. For Finnick.

Finnick is not here with me.

He is in the Capitol. Fighting for our freedom.

He will be alright" I had to tell myself this, if I didn't then the nightmares would completely encompass me.

"He will be alright.

He promised.

The government will protect him..." But I didn't believe that. The Capitol had done so much damage to so many people, they didn't care about protecting anybody but themselves. I know this wasn't the Capitol, but I couldn't help but not trust them. They would let him out into truly dangerous parts, let him blow up something that he wasn't supposed to. Something that could hurt him, or even kill him.

I couldn't keep up this charade anymore. I couldn't continue to say things that I didn't fully believe in hopes of tricking my mind that everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay, everything was horrible. My husband was out at war and I could do nothing about it. I know how the Capitol works, it will be hard to fight against them, they are a tricky people. Evil people. I hugged the pillow next to me as tightly as I could, willing it to turn into my only love, but nothing worked.

"Finnick. Please be okay, Finnick. Please." Tears rolled down my face and into the pillow, but I didn't care. I only cared about Finnick right now, how brave he was, but how scared I was for him. "Please Finnick, come home. I need you. I need you now more than ever." I held my stomach tight and cried myself back to sleep.


	2. Talent?

"What do you do, darling?" That was the first question I was asked after I said goodbye to my family. I didn't do anything, really. I wove baskets, and nets, and fished. That's what you did in District 4, I had no special weapon like Finnick, and I wasn't incredibly strong. I had no talent, I was going to die out there.

"I don't do anything" I admitted to the old lady staring at me, her name was Mags. We were sitting in the main room, I suppose you could call it the living room, inside the tram that carried us 200 miles an hour towards the Capitol.

"Everybody does something, unless you're suggesting that you sit at home all day and stare at the walls" Finnick said from the other side of the room. He was making himself something to eat, although I had no clue what it was. The boy who was reaped along with me, Miles Miller, was in his room no doubt working at different ways he could make traps and weapons out of common items. It was the only thing we could really do in this train, he tried knife throwing with the steak knives, using a particularly ugly painting as the object but was scolded and banned from kitchen utensils.

"I'm not a career. I don't have anything that makes me special" I said, trying focus on something else. Mags put her hand on mine, it was warm and surprisingly soft. She waited until I looked up at her to talk.

"Not every victor is a career, you know"

"But every one of them has something that makes them special. Like, Finnick can use a trident, people from two are raised with weapons, District three knows so much more as far as technology, they could take something and turn it into a robot with a little work. Even District 11 has a leg up, they spend their days in all sorts of different fields. They probably know everything that grows in nature and how to eat it or use it for medicine or something. I know none of that"

"Who say's you're going to be a forest?" Finnick said, adding a spice to his strange concoction that I suddenly realized was fish.

"I never said..."

"There will no doubt be water. You grew up in water, did you not?"

"Well I suppose..."

"You can identify multitudes of different sea life, you can weave better than any other district can, and you can swim. That's valuable, not many other districts know how to do that."

"Aren't you supposed to be mentoring Miles?" He shrugged and pointed his knife, which he was using to cut up some sort of greens, and pointed it at Mags.

"Mags, would you disagree?" She looked at me and smiled.

"Everything he says is true. You're dress was lovely."

"My Dress? How is that relevant?"

"You made that net. It was flawless, even glimmered in the light" Finnick said. I sighed, he was supposed to be helping Miles, he had the better chance at winning. He spent his life preparing for something like this, he could tie one thousand different knots out of almost any material with his eyes closed. He could hide, and fight. He could survive. I couldn't. Mags smiled a somewhat toothless smile before commenting.

"My words exactly." I sat down on the couch and turned on the television, looking at the replay of the reaping from each District. There were some scary competition this year, nothing I would be able to fight against.

"You can't believe that I can actually win against these people! Look at that one!" I said, pointing at a tribute from District 2, he looked like a bull. He had muscles bulging from every inch of his body, I could even see some in his face. He had a mean expression, one that said 'I can kill you with one touch'.

"Brute force doesn't mean brains, in fact it often means quite the opposite." Mags said, not bothering to move her seat. "Tell me, child. What type of food is Finnick cooking?"

"Easy, seafood."

"But what kind of seafood."

"I don't know, I can't see it over here"

"Then come over here" Finnick said, motioning for me to get up. I did what he said, considering he was a mentor and mentors had all the say in what we got as far as emergency supplies. I turned into the kitchen and faced Finnick, he took my hand and pulled me closer to the pan.

"Tuna. In some sort of spice, with a side of...garlic scallops with shrimp and little green trees. So what?" Finnick cut off a piece of his Tuna, which wasn't close to cooked yet and stuck it with a knife, putting it in front of my mouth, telling me to take a bite. I swallowed it, but didn't really like to. Sure, you can eat tuna raw, it wasn't a secret, I didn't mind raw tuna, but it had been cooked on the outside and raw on the insie, which was something I had never tried, and frankly disgusted me.

"God, that was disgusting!" I sad, pulling away from him almost immediately.

"Then why did you eat it?"

"Because you gave it to me"

"If I gave you a bottle of poison would you drink it?" I thought about that for a minute. I would have said yes, but I thought of my mother, crying silently when I was chosen. I remembered my brother, walking in with his girlfriend and soon to be wife while I was sitting in the Mayor's building. He told me to make District 4 proud, make something memorable about it. Not for him, but for his baby. I was the first one to know that they were pregnant, I didn't want to let him them down. Not just them, the entire district. I might not survive, but I won't be a disgrace.

"No. That would be stupid."

"Why?"

"Because it would kill me"

"And the fish wouldn't?"

"No, everyone know's Tuna can be eaten raw or cooked."

"Not everyone" Mags added, smiling at us. I was confused, of corse everyone knew that, it was basic knowledge. "Annie, dear. People in other districts wouldn't know the difference between a river fish and one from the ocean. Half of them would think it's okay to just catch a crab and eat it."

"See? There is something you have against the other tributes." I was tired of this. I knew they were right, I realized that. But there was no gaurentee that we were going to be in an environment where there would be fish easily available. I forced my way out of Finnick's grip and headed off to my room.

The industrial glass door slid open and I found myself in the hospital of District 13. I hated the smell, I hated the smell of everything here, but the hospital ward smelled the worst. There were two large rows of stretchers, lined up with fresh white sheets on them. Thats where people with minor injuries go for help. Occasionally someone would trip during combat training and slice their hand open or something, this is where they were sent. Beyond them there was another door, still made of glass, but this glass was tinted. I had only been back there once, it was different. This room was open and you could see everything that was going on, beyond the doors it was just hallways with rooms. It was scary, I didn't like it.

"Annie, are you okay?" the little blond girl who wore her hair in french braids all the time asked me. She was Katniss's little sister, Primrose. She had checked in on me for the first few days I was here to make sure I was alright.

"Yes, Prim" I said, my arms crossed across my stomach. I must have looked horrible, I woke up today and didn't even bother to change. My mind was in a different place today, not that it isn't always, but today I couldn't help but think about everything, every past memory I had, every memory of Finnick I could think of. I needed to stay in the past, so I wouldn't be thinking in the future, where something bad could go on. The closest to the present I could get to was our wedding night, and that's the memory that brought me here. "Prim, is your mother here?" Prim finished changing a young girl's IV and turned to me. She looked concerned, as if she could read my mind.

"Stay here, Nicole. I'm going to help another patient" The little girl shook her head, as if agreeing and made herself comfortable in the thin sheets. Prim walked over to me and took my hand in hers, leading me to one of the beds and sitting me down. "Are you sure you're alright?" I didn't want to talk to her, I wanted to talk to her mother. Her mother would understand, or she could try to understand. Prim was just a little girl, there was no way she would be able to understand this.

"Can I see your mother please?"

"Annie, if you're in pain I can help you, you just have to tell me whats wrong." I was ready to cry. I looked down and saw my 'mentally unstable' bracelet. Something I would probably never get off. I held up the wrist that was trapped by the stupid words and pointed at it. Prim nodded and gave me a hug. "Stay here, okay? I'll get her" then she walked off, her braids bobbing up and down with every step she took.

"What are you here for?" The little brown haired girl named Nicole asked. She sounded like a mouse, she couldn't have been any older than nine, with dark green eyes. She looked like my brother, Jackson.

"I just have a few questions for a doctor"

"Prim is a doctor."

"Prim is a little girl, she wouldn't understand"

"You don't know that"

"What are you here for anyway?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Staying silent would just make me think about this situation even more. If I could change the subject to her than I wouldn't have to think about this anymore, but it wouldn't happen because just then Prim came through the door pulling her mother behind her.

"Annie, what's wrong?" The motherly voice said from behind me. I shook my head, tears running down my cheek. Prim walked around the bed and sat down next to me, her mother was sitting on the bed across from me, trying to look into my eyes.

"She wouldn't talk to me, mom. I'm really worried" Prim said, putting her arm around my shoulder. I broke down right then and there, just like I had last night. I was so overwhelmed, nothing was alright, nothing was going to be alright.

xx

My mom walked into the room, an obvious wreck. I was braiding my little sister, Ione's hair. Mom walked into the kitchen, where my dad was preparing a lovely dinner for the family. We were all gathering together to celebrate my birthday. It was the first time we really got to celebrate like this. We had money before, but now we had a lot of it. The Millers were going to come over, as well as the rest of the victors. Mags and Finnick were already here, Finnick was helping Dad with the meal while Mags sat down and commented on how lovely the braid was. I made it look like a basket, something of my own design. Since I was a victor and Ione wasn't yet in school, she leant me her hair to experiment with.

"Denise, what are you doing? Denise, NO!" My father screamed from the kitchen, where my mom had walked into only moments before. You could hear a struggle going on, but I was frozen in my spot, not daring to move. Finnick ran out of the kitchen and ran over to Mags and whispered to her. She got up to a phone and dialed a number while Finnick grabbed my arm and shoved Ione and I out of the house.

"Where are we going? Whats going on?" I demanded as he pulled us into the house next to ours, which belonged to him.

"Nothing" He grabbed a handful of rope and handed it to Ione. "Can she be left alone?"

"For how long. Finnick Odair tell me what's going on?" My body was starting to shake and my head was spinning. He put his hand on my arm and basically carried me to the back deck that overlooked the ocean.

"Sit down" He said, but I was already sitting in the sea foam green adirondack chair. He disappeared for a moment, leaving me, the sea, and my thoughts. I wanted to run, I wanted to jump into the ocean and swim away, but Finnick had answers to my questions and that meant I had to wait.

Finnick appeared a minute later with a pitcher of something and a plate of treats. He set them down on the table in between the two of us. He poured me a glass of what I now see was iced tea and handed it to me.

"I would have gotten you normal tea, it calms the nerves, but it's so hot out..I thought you might appreciate this more"

"Thanks" I said, my voice just above a whisper. My hands could barely grasp the cup, I was shaking that badly. Every possible thing that could have happened ran through my mind. I wanted to ask him but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. We sat there in silence for what seemed like hours. My mind wouldn't stop thinking of the worst possible scenario. I didn't even know what the worst possible scenario was by the time Finnick spoke up.

"So you still don't want to do the victory tour?" I was surprised that was his answer. I was expecting it was something like 'your entire family is dead' or 'is going to be dead' or something like that. Maybe Rebecca miscarried and thats what was wrong. But I certainly wasn't expecting another talk about the Victory Tour. I told them plain and simple that I would not be going on the tour. Finnick and Mags tried to get me to go, but I couldn't look at the other families and act happy. Their children died, and I was supposed to go to their district and tell them to suck it up? The worst part would be the feast at home, where everyone would be so happy that we have another victor, when all I could think about would be Miles's head, rolling on the ground after a particularly nasty encounter with the District 2 tribute.

"I told you, I just can't do it." I put the beautiful cookie I had started to eat back on the plate and turned away. I didn't know what to feel, so I tried to turn it all off and feel nothing. Finnick got out of his chair and knelt down on the ground in my direction. He took my left hand, which was hanging down over my knee, and put it in his. I looked down at him, he was wearing an expression I had never seen on him before. One I don't think I had seen on anybody before.

"Annie, what did you think of me. Before you met me. What do people think of me?" I got angry, this wasn't about him right now. Something very scary just happened and I have no idea what it was or why. Finnick did, and he was asking about his reputation?

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Just tell me. What do I look like to the public eye?" I sighed, trying to find words.

"I don't know. You're a victor, an attractive one. Because of that you...get around, you know. You sleep with a lot of different people, but you don't really care because sex is sex. Am I right?" He squeezed my hand slightly.

"I suppose, but I don't do it for sex. I do it because I have to"

"What are you talking about, you don't _have_ to do anything."

"Annie, you don't understand. If I don't do what the Capitol wants, they will hurt, kill the ones I love even. I wouldn't put it past them, thats what happened to Haymitch." I still didn't understand what he was trying to say, but after I stayed quiet he went on, making sure I looked him in the eyes. "Do you know what your mother did today?"

"Isn't that what you're supposed to be telling me, what the hell is going on? God, why don't you just spit it out already, save the games for later." He sighed, standing up and moving to the railing, where he sat down on it.

"Fine. Your mom found Jackson and Rebecca. Dead. Their bodies washed up on the beach. They drowned. Get the picture now?" I sat there while the reality hit me, my brother and his wife drowned. Nobody drowned in District 4, we've known how to swim longer than we've known how to walk. The Capitol did this, they didn't actually drown, the Capitol killed them and made it look like something, all because I refused to go on the Victory Tour.

"And my mom?" I could barely make out the sound, my throat was closing as it tried to back off the tears.

"She...she tried to kill herself" the last statement hit me like a brick, this couldn't be real. This isn't. None of it is. My mother would never try something like that, and my brother would never drown. I would never have gotten reaped, the odds were completely in my favor, I had only put my name in the bowl when I had too. I doubled over, not being able to breathe.

"Oh god" I whispered, salty tears flowing down my cheeks like rivers. No, like waterfalls. I don't really remember much after that. I had gotten to such a point of hysteria where Finnick had to pick me up and carry me. I had cried so hard I vomited on him. I remember his house, the room overlooking the ocean, where he opened the window and let me listen to the shore and the seagulls to calm down. I remember the smell of his sheets, it smelled like the ocean. Not in the dirty, sticky way you feel after a day in the salt water, but the smell that you first get after not smelling it for a long time. Only a smell that people who have been away from District 4 would understand. A smell only Finnick and I would understand. I remember fingers brushing through my hair, although I'm not positive that is an actual memory or just something I wanted to remember. It comforted me either way.

I wake up and I'm in a hospital bed in District 13. The lights were dimmer than usual, we must either be really far underground or it's night time. I look around, I'm still in the room with rows and rows of stretchers. I'm not behind the tinted glass doors, so I must be alright. A damp cloth touches my face and I realize for the first time that Prim is sitting next to me.

"Hey" she said in a quiet voice "Are you feeling any better?" I tried to sit up, but my arms felt weak, forcing me to lay down again. "Don't. You're still weak."

"What happened?" I asked, my voice sounding distant. It was hoarse and weak, like I had used it all up.

"You came in here and burst into hysterics. We couldn't calm you down, you kept saying that 'nothing will get better' and 'they are all dead'. We had to put you to sleep. Even then you were pretty violent." I don't really remember much of it. I remember wanting to see Mrs. Everdeen, and starting to break down once she got there, but everything else was too fuzzy to remember anything else clearly.

"Your mom."

"Will be here to check on you later. For now you need to rest."

"But..."

"No butts, now, have you eaten at all today?" I thought as hard as I could to remember what had happened today. As far as I could remember, I hadn't. But I wasn't really hungry. I shook my head anyways and she stood up and walked away. I looked around a little bit more, there was a boy who had been admitted. He looked like he had just turned a teenager. He was sitting upright in one of the stretchers with a cloth up to his nose, where it was bleeding heavily. At least, it was at one point. The girl with the IV in her arm was still there, but the IV was gone. She sat there, writing something on a piece of paper.

"what were you dreaming about?" they boy with the rag up to his nose asked me.

"Jacob, it's none of your business. Why don't you do something productive like me?" The brown haired girl said.

"You're doing your homework early, who would want to do that?"

"Someone who cares about their future"

"And I'm not one of them. I care about what this girl was dreaming about. Sounded scary"

"It was" I told him, but at the same time it wasn't. I don't really remember dreaming, I just remember the day Finnick told me my brother died.

"What was it about?"

"Jacob! she probably doesn't want to talk about it!"

"Talk about what?" Prim asked walking in with a tray full of food.

"Nothing Prim, just forget about it." She sat down, glaring at Jacob for a second and then turned around and put the tray in front of me. There was a type of beef soup in a large bowl. There was also a side of vegetables, two slices of bread, a few slices of cold turkey from the day before, and a large jug of water.

"Doesn't it look delicious?" Prim asked me. It did, but I wasn't sure what to make of it, it was so much more food than I had ever seen in front of me before. That is, while I was here in District 13. In District 4, after I became a victor I could afford to eat as much of almost anything there was. The house was always full with some sort of food, but I rarely ever it.

"It looks great, where did you get so much?" She smiled.

"Don't tell anyone, but I messed with your charts a little bit so I could get you more food. You looked like you needed it." She smiled at me before she took hold of the spoon in the soup.

"It's alright, I can do it." I took the spoon from her hand and started to eat it. It was fantastic, something Finnick would make, or want to make. He always loved to cook, that is when he wasn't in the water. It was sort of his secret obsession.

Before I knew it I had finished the entire bowl of soup, the side of corn, and was working on the mixed vegetables. Half way through my devouring of the turkey slices I saw Mrs. Everdeen walk in from behind the blackened doors. She was wearing what the rest of the staff wears, white shirts and slacks. She wore her hair down today, although she sometimes puts it up in a bun.

"Annie, good to see you up and feeling better" She said, beaming a smile at me. I could tell it was fake, she was worried too. Her child was out in the same mess that my husband was in, she must be just as worried. She sat down on the side of my bed and took my food tray away before speaking again. "What had you all upset earlier?" she brushed back a piece of my hair that was hanging in my face as she said this. I got a knot in my stomach, I had actually forgotten about all of that for a moment and having all of those emotions coming back wasn't a fun or easy thing to do. I swallowed hard, and tried to regain any composure that I had lost.

"Could we, um. Speak in private?" I asked her. She looked confused, but wasn't going to argue.

"Alright." She stood up and held her hand out to help me get up. Once I did, she walked me through the dark glass doors. We winded down long hallways that felt more like tunnels for what seemed like hours until we reached a small room, somebody's office. It was cramped, with a messy desk in the corner and a few seats facing the desk. There was a woman sitting behind the towers of paperwork who looked up as soon as we entered.

"Can I help you?"

"Rhonda, can you give me the keys to one of the rooms?" Rhonda looked at us skeptically for a few moments.

"Why do you need one?" I held up my 'mentally unstable' bracelet, wondering if that would help any. Mrs. Everdeen went on talking, her voice extremely calm.

"Her and I, we need to talk. Someplace private. Please Rhonda, we won't be long. It's the only place I know to bring her." Rhonda rolled her eyes and sighed. I thought she was going to say no, but she opened a drawer on her side of the desk and took out a plastic card. She scanned it on something next to her computer and typed random things before scanning it again. She took the card and handed it to Mrs. Everdeen.

"You have room 301 for 45 minutes"

"Thank you Rhonda. I'll re-pay you somehow. I promise" and then Mrs. Everdeen took me by the arm and we ended up winding down another pathway of tunnel hallways until we reached an end with an elevator. Before I had time to be afraid of it, I had been pushed in it and the number had been pressed. We were headed for six floors below where we already were.

This floor was like none I had seen in District 13. It was all either white or the grey color of cement. There were guards outside two doors that had to take our card and fingerprint samples before we could go through. Everything looked the same beyond the doors except for now there were doors lining the walls every few feet. They were red, with white numbers painted on them. Finally we got to room 301, where Mrs. Everdeen put her first two fingers on a pad. The doors unlocked and we were allowed inside.

The room was very nice, nothing like the hallways at the hospital or the rooms we were assigned to live in. Whoever designed this district must have been very creative. It wasn't much, but it was colorful. The walls were white and there were screens that generated the look of any type of environment you wanted. In the corner there was a large purple couch made of some soft type of material. Across from the couch was a red seat made from the same type of material. There was a table in between the couch and the chair that held some rolls and a kettle with hot tea in it. I sat down on the purple couch and watched Mrs. Everdeen pour herself a cup of tea and sit down in the chair across from me.

"So Annie, what did you want to talk about?" I thought for a moment.

"Finnick. I want to talk about Finnick"

"What about Finnick?"

"He's at war" She sighed and put her tea down.

"I know he is, he's with Katniss" I looked out the fake window, it was showing a scene of a meadow. There was tall grass with wild flowers everywhere, there were birds and squirrels, things you don't really see in District 4.

"Are you scared?" Mrs. Everdeen stood up and sat next to me on the purple couch.

"I hate it when she leaves. I'm always afraid she'll never return." I started crying lightly, thinking about never seeing Finnick again. She put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer. "But they are smart people, so I trust that they will come home with a few scrapes at the worst." I wanted to believe that, I really did. But the worry was just to high.

"Do you think you'll come back home?" Miles asked me after we got home from the interviews. He was wearing a ridicules tuxedo shirt and blue cummerbund with white dress pants. He ditched the sparkly blue tuxedo jacket as soon as he could. I was still wearing the matching blue fitted dress that flared out at the ends, making me look like a mermaid, with shells in my hair and glitter all over.

"No. But I think you could"

"Why do you say that? You could win"

"Yeah, if someone decided to put us in the middle of an ocean. I doubt that would happen" He laughed a little bit, the most someone who is about to be set into an arena with a high chance of never leaving.

"No, you're smart. You use your head"

"You do too. And you know how to work all those fancy weapons." he looked down at his feet, blushing a little bit. We were sitting on his bed, having one of the last talks we would ever have. His sandy blond hair with perfect curls bounced around regardless of what he was doing.

"Promise me something?"

"If you return the favor" He held out his hand and we entwined our arms into a strange type on knot, his hand facing me and my hand facing him. He put his lips up to my right hand, and I did his. This is what we did when we made promises to each other, it was sort of a secret handshake of ours.

"Don't be the one to kill me. Let one of the careers do it or something." I cringed at the thought of him dying. He had been my friend since we were little. We lived in the same neighborhood and were in the same grade. Our parents were even friends. I didn't love him as anything more than a friend, but the thought of loosing him was almost like loosing part of myself.

"Okay. Promise me you won't join the careers. I know it sounds like a good idea, teaming up with other stronger people. But it's going to turn you into something you aren't. Make District 4 proud, even if we don't live."

"Don't speak that way Annie. You have to stay positive."

"Sorry, Miles. But it's not exactly a happy situation." He put his hand on my cheek, pulling me in close until our foreheads were touching and we could feel each others chest moving up and down.

"Just find water, stay hidden, and may the odds be ever in your favor." I smiled. Thats what he told me the best plan for any Hunger Games is, to stay hidden for as long as you can. Before I could pull away to go to bed he spoke again. "And keep your promise, the Annie Cresta I know does not brake promises." He let go of me and I walked out the door, only stumbling twice.

I did what he told me to, I stayed hidden. I even found supplies to weave nets and build traps for enemies stumbling along my territory, which was quite large. I was hiding in a bush waiting for something to come along that I could trap when I saw the same bushy haired blond boy walking towards me. _There's no way he could see me. What is he doing?_ His foot was just about to trip the snare that would kill him for sure when I remembered his promise. _'Don't be the one to kill me'_ I wasn't planning on it, even if I hadn't thought about it, but those words ran through my head as I let out an ear splitting scream.

"Stop, Miles! You're going to run right into my trap!" He looked startled when he saw me. I must have looked so much different than the girl he knew in District 4. I hadn't bathed in days, my hair was beyond repair to even try to braid, instead it was frizzed out and holding many different types of sticks, leaves, and other parts of nature.

"Annie?"

"No shit. I almost killed you without even meaning to. Don't do that again!"

"Well, there's still time for that. Why did you have to go screaming like that?" I hadn't realized I screamed, but there wasn't room for talk. We both heard a branch or a twig break somewhere off in the distance.

"Shit, they are better at following than I thought"

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen, just run, go hide somewhere. The careers have been following me. I thought I finally lost them."

"What? What did you do?" But he never answered me. He did something really unexpected. He pulled out a knife and threw it at me, hitting me in the foot and then pushed me into the bushes where I hid perfectly.

I tried to scream out in pain, but couldn't. I checked the wound, it wasn't bleeding as fast as I thought it would be. I was too afraid to pull it out just yet, so I settled for sitting really still. The big career from District 2 came through the woods, a big sword already covered in fresh blood.

"Looky who we have here. If it isn't Mr. Mermaid"

"Come on, you know thats not my name"

"It doesn't matter. You're not going to live." Miles stood very still for a few moments before trying to run as fast as he could in the other direction. District 2 caught up with him, lopping off his head, which flung right into my snare. The net went up with only the bleeding head of my best friend in it. District 2 smiled, running his finger down the blade of the sword. I had to hold both my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming, even though I doubt a sound would be able to come out. District 2 wasn't moving, I think he heard my rustling in the bushes and started heading over towards me.

"Who do we have here?" He sad, rushing towards the bushes. I wasn't going to die right here. I wasn't going to let District 4 die out in one day. I pulled the knife out of my foot, doing my best not to scream, but a little squeal came out. District 2 heard it.

"Come on out, I'll make this quick and painless" he laughed, as if he didn't mean a word he just said. I held the knife in my hand, trying to remember how you throw it. I stood up, making myself clearly visible. He showed me his sword, blood running down it. "Oh, it's the friend. I would love to kill out a district within a day." I held my breath, this was it. I threw the knife and hoped it hit something. It did: his neck. He used all of his strength to throw the sword at me, but it didn't do much more dammage than a scrape on my right arm.

District 2 pulled out the knife, only making himself bleed more and ran away. He bled out later that day, or that's what I suspected because his name was in the sky that night. I fell down next to the body of my childhood friend, there was no way I could keep calm now. I grabbed the sword and cut the head out of the net and placed it where it should be on his body. I then kissed him on the cheek and ran off, tears streaming down my face.

"Annie? Annie! can you hear me?" I shook my head, snapping out of the memories. I was in District 13, with Mrs. Everdeen.

"Yeah, yeah I can hear you" I responded, but it was getting had to breathe. Mrs. Everdeen put her hand on my back and forced my head between my knees.

"Can you say it?" She meant the regimen that was supposed to help me distinguish reality from the memories and fears. I took a deep breath and started.

"My name is Annie Odair"

"Thats right"

"I am from District 4"

"And?"

"I am a victor of the 70th annual Hunger Games"

"Good"

"I am married to Finnick Odair, the victor of the 65th Hunger Games"

"Yes you are"

"And I think I'm pregnant"


	3. Scary Hospital Rooms

**Okay, so I'm sorry about the flashbacks mixing in with her reality so much.**

**I forgot to tell you the reasoning behind that.**

**This is all how Annie sees things, she can't help when they come on and that makes it hard to distinguish from reality sometimes. That's why she has Finnick constantly telling her that something is real or holding her hand so she knows that he is there, because if he didn't than she would never be sure he was actually with her.**

**That being said, I hope you continue to read and enjoy. Please R&R (the more you post, the faster I update. Because I kind of live off of feedback). Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I lay in the my bed, staring at the wall across the room from me. I tried not to move, not to think, not to do anything. The wall was grey, with a basic wooden dresser against it. Inside the dresser were multiple sets of the same clothing, half for me and half for Finnick. There was one drawer that we didn't use for our clothes, instead we filled it with things that were special to us. I had the very beginning of a basket that I was weaving when I first came here inside that drawer. There was also the net that we used during our wedding, folded nicely in the corner, along with the rope that Finnick ties constantly when he is worried. A few shells were there, someone from the district gave them to us, but I don't know where they got them. I had managed to keep a picture of my family from when I was little that had a home in that drawer, along with a few pictures from the wedding that was thrown for us. And at the bottom, in a corner folded neatly and protected by a nearly indestructible material that vacuum sealed anything you put inside of it was my secondhand wedding dress.<p>

The dress was beautiful, I really loved it. It was so nice of Katniss to bring me to her district and let me have one of her dresses. She originally had me try on the wedding dresses she had for her wedding, but I didn't feel like any of them really fitted me, or my relationship with Finnick. I wore a dress that she wore on her victory tour, it was green. I really felt great in it, like a bride and not a girl who had lost her mind completely.

My attempts at being comatose weren't really working. My mind was racing, thinking of my first visit to District 12, and my hands were shaking. If I tensed up my entire body really tight, I could almost stop the shaking all over, but never in my hands. I wasn't sure if I was shaking because I was nervous or because I hadn't slept, eaten, or drank anything for nearly 17 hours. I looked at the clock. 18 hours. I pulled the covers tighter to me, hoping that that would help but I know it wouldn't. I had been held up in the hospital for a few hours, getting different tests done by Mrs. Everdeen's orders. Finally, I was let out of my hospital bed and allowed to roam the halls. It was after dinner and most people had already gone back to their room to go to bed.

"Excuse me Miss, but what are you doing out?" I looked up at the guard, I suppose it was later than I thought. I was confused, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to be out. I stood there motionless, trying to figure out what was going on, I was so numb to the world. I had experienced so many emotions that I had none anymore. I just wanted to go lie in bed and shut out the world, which is what I was working on at the moment.

He must have seen my 'mentally unstable' bracelet and thought that I was much farther gone than I really was. Or maybe I was really that far gone and I hadn't realized it. Either way, he treated me like I was supposed to be chaperoned at all times and drooling on myself or something.

"I-I umm. I. I'm sorry, what?" I asked. He changed his tone changed from cold and professional to warm and friendly.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" He was about my age, so it surprised me that he was calling me 'sweetheart' but maybe that's what to say to crazy people. Maybe terms of endearment were how you were supposed to address people who couldn't ever tell if the moment they were living was real or if it was just a memory, fantasy, or some sort of twisted dream.

"Annie. Annie Cresta. NO! sorry, Annie Odair. I'm married. Married to Finnick Odair, we're victors of the Hunger Games. Victors from District 4. We're not in District 4. We're in District 13. There is a revolution in the Capitol. Finnick is fighting in it." I started to tremble a little bit, trying to force the tears down as I thought of Finnick fighting. Every time I thought of him fighting in the Capitol, my mind made up a new way of him dying and never returning. I couldn't think like that, but I was. Once I started my 'reality regimen' it was hard to stop sometimes. But thankfully the guard realized this and stopped me by grabbing my arm and pulling me in for an awkward sort of hug.

"Don't worry, our army is fantastic. He'll be fine" I pulled myself together and pulled away from him. I hated him. I was perfectly numb until he had to go and ask my name, which led to Finnick. Besides, he had no idea what kind of danger my husband could be facing right now. Nobody did. His words of comfort would do nothing to make me feel better. If anything, they would make me feel worse. The guard pressed a button on the device that was clamped to his wrist and spoke into it. "Room assignment for Annie Odair" The device spoke back.

"What is the reason?"

"She is confused. Does not know where she is. I am simply trying to help her back" The voice paused and spat out the room number that Finnick and I were assigned shortly after he proposed to me. I wasn't really lost, I knew just about where we were, and wouldn't have much trouble finding my way to my room, but I assumed that the guard wanted to make sure I 'made it home safely' or something.

"You don't have to..I-I know where I am"

"But can I trust that you'll be going to your room where you belong?" No. He couldn't trust that I was headed where I was supposed to be. He couldn't trust me to do anything except cry. That's what I do best now: cry.

I didn't answer him, just stood there with my hands down, playing with the two bracelets that were on my wrist. One of them was the one telling people that I was crazy, and the other one told people that I had been admitted to the hospital and had gotten tests done. It also had some sort of code that was unique to just me on it, but I'm not sure why or what good it did. He took me by the small of my back and led me down the halls, around corners, in elevators, and eventually to the door that led to the room belonging to me.

"You have to scan yourself to get in you know" he said after I just stood there for a few minutes. I knew that, but I just assumed he would do it for me or something, like he had been doing everything else. He grabbed my right arm, looking for where my schedule had been printed, but didn't find one. I hadn't gotten it done today, instead I slept in and wandered the halls, completely disregarding the need for structure in District 13.

"I don't have one" I said, a little obviously. He had already seen that. "And please be careful, they stuck me with all sorts of needles earlier today" He must not have seen the cotton taped to my skin with little bits of blood seeping through. He let go of my arm immediately and backed away half a step.

"I'm sorry" I shook my head, it wasn't his fault that he didn't notice details. I held my left arm out to him, showing him the bracelet from the hospital wing.

"Will this do?" I asked, pointing at the code just for me. He nodded and motioned for me to scan it, so I could unlock the door. I hated them, the fact that we had to check into everything we did. They were monitoring us, just like the Capitol did, only in a much more obvious matter. I didn't like being monitored, it was scary, like somebody always knew where I was and what I was doing. It was like being in the Capitol all over again. They never really tortured me, not like they did other victors, but they always knew where I was. They had guards, cameras, and even forced me to wear this bracelet with a blinking red light that I could never figure out how to get off.

"Now get some rest. Do you know what time it is?"

"Goodnight" I said, closing the door on him. I didn't mean to be rude, I just didn't want to talk anymore. I wanted to be alone. I wanted time to think and process and just be by myself. I knew the guard was just trying to be friendly, but I wanted nothing do do with him.

My room is messy. The sheets were tangled and turned down, there was a thin layer of dust on a shelf that had a few books meant for sketching or journaling or something. Neither Finnick or I had really found a need for them, so we put them on that shelf that I never cleaned. The padded chair in the corner of the room had it's cushion thrown on the floor and turned over and the remote to the small television was broken. I remember doing that, but I would never tell anybody about the freak out I had earlier this morning. I crawled into the bed for two and curled up into a ball, where I still remain.

"We're pretty familiar with each others screams" Johanna said at lunch. Pretty familiar was right, the majority of my time in the Capitol was in a thin walled room, listening to the others scream while they were tortured. That was how they tortured me, by forcing me to listen to others being tortured, hoping that I would crack and tell them something. Truth is, I had no idea what was going on until it was all explained to me here in District 13. Well, not all of it was explained, but enough to give me closure was.

I heard the Avox boy howling in pain. I didn't know his name, but his were the worst, next to Peeta's. I think his might have been so unbearable because he was just being tortured to break us. He didn't do anything wrong, and there was no way for him to communicate with anyone. His screams still haunted me to this day, hollow and full of confused pain. I was forced to listen to it every day, usually right after they fed me my two pieces of bread and half a cup of rust colored water.

"Please, I don't have any answers. I was never told anything. Please stop, please!" I screamed, curled up in a ball in the thin walled room, listening so someone being tortured. Even if I tried my best to block out the noise, I could still hear them. Instead of listening to me, they made the screams louder. It was Peeta, I think. Sometimes they would make me listen to screams of people I wasn't even sure I knew, sometimes I would have to listen to multiple screams, coming from different people in different directions all around me until all blended in.

I stood up and forced my way to the door on the other side of the room. I needed to get out of there, I couldn't handle it anymore. I pushed the lightweight door open with ease and was met by a guard.

"Get back inside, miss" I didn't do anything, just stood there, the screams still piercing my ears and echoing through my head. His hand grabbed my shoulder forcibly and threw me back in the thin walled room, where I tripped and fell down. The guard stood above me, anger in his face. I hadn't really dealt with the guards too much, they scared me. All of them were large, with Peacekeeper uniforms on. I suppose they were Peacekeepers, but they were scarier here than they were back in District 4. In District 4, the Peacekeepers were intimidating, mainly because they would punish us if we did something we weren't supposed to, but they never outright scared me. The ones here were bigger and stronger, with more rage and stricter rules. He took out a whip from his belt and hit me.

"Stop it!" I screamed. Another lashing. I rolled over, trying to get away, but I never really was one to tolerate pain to particularly well so I didn't get far. "Finnick! Finnick, Help!" I screamed. I knew he wasn't anywhere where he could hear me, or I don't think he was anywhere where he could hear me. I heard his screams sometimes. He was calling for me. I could hear that he had been crying, no doubt punished in some sort of way. Every time I heard it I jumped, I couldn't stand the thought of Finnick being punished any more. The braided leather strip hit my back with the most force it had yet.

"What do you know about him?" the mammoth Peacekeeper yelled at me.

"I don't know! Help! Somebody, Help!" I tried my best to get to my feet, but every time I got close the whip hit my back until I was on the floor once more. After a few attempts I just gave up, laying there in defeat. The room had become silent, the torture around me had stopped. I closed my eyes, where everything was dark.

Finnick's hand wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me close as he tried to comfort me. I was in the common room where we eat lunch and dinner every day, I could feel peoples eyes staring at me.

"Annie, come on. It's not real, you know it's not. You're here, with me. Safe." I took a deep breath, still not sure what was going on.

"No" My voice was barely a whisper. He shook me, as if he were trying to wake fe from a bad dream.

"Annie, Annie! can you hear me? Annie, what's wrong?" It wasn't Finnick's voice, it was a woman's. I opened my eyes. I was on the floor of my bedroom, a man was holding on to me, forcing me to stay still. Mrs. Everdeen was in front of me, her hand on my cheek, trying to look into my eyes that until a few seconds ago must have been closed. "Annie, are you okay?"

"Finnick. He was just here, and now he's..."

"Annie..." Mrs. Everdeen said, her face sunken slightly. "Finnick is in the Capitol. You know that right?" I nodded.

"Yes, my name is Annie Odair, I am from District 4. I'm in District 13. I'm married to Finnick Odair." Even though I was being held steady, the shaking had come back. The man that was holding me spoke to Mrs. Everdeen.

"Maeve" He took my hand and pressed his thumb against the inside of my wrist. "I don't think she's had anything to eat or drink for quite a while."

"Annie, is he right?" I let myself go limp in the mans arms and tried to sort out what was going on. I closed my eyes.

"I don't know" my hair was being stroked, like the people I was close with did when I was scared.

"When Ione wanted you to do something different for a party she was going to"

"and the girls there saw and wanted me to do the same thing?"

"Yes, so you started to braid their hair as a hobby" Fininck said to me, my head in his lap. We were sitting in my bed back home. Tomorrow the camera crew from the Capitol was coming to interview me for the Victory Tour.

"And the reason the tour was delayed?"

"Because I got sick?"

"Yes, but what were you sick with?"

"Umm, sun poisoning?" He shrugged.

"That works" I smiled a little bit and sat up, leaning my head on his shoulder. He brushed away the hair in my face and kissed my forehead. "You're going to do great. Just stay relaxed and remember, I'll be there with you"

"They're going to ask me about Jackson"

"And you're just going to say it was tragic. No need to go into details" I buried my head in him and he hugged me. I was so nervous for tomorrow, so nervous that they were going to bring in something to surprise me. Something bad. Something I wouldn't ever be able to forget.

"What time are they coming?"

"You'll be up by 7:30, ready by 8:15. The girls are coming over at 8:30 and the cameras will be over by 10."

"And you're going to be there?"

"Every step of the way" He forced me to look at him and then smiled his big, perfect smile. His smile made the butterflies in my stomach flutter and I couldn't help but smile back.

"How did you survive your tour?" I asked. This time it was his turn to snuggle up against me. He put his head on my shoulder and I stroked the side of his head gingerly.

"I don't know. It was all such a blur, I did my best just to smile and act happy. I couldn't even tell you what district I was in most days" I put my head against his.

"Well I'm glad I'll have you" He entwined his hand within mine and walked us toward the big window on the opposite side of the room. Beyond it was a little patio, big enough for two or three people to sit down and watch the ocean. Finnick opened the french doors. The moon was high over the ocean, reflecting in ripples across the water.

"Come on" He said. I closed my eyes and let the sticky salt water air hit me.

When I opened my eyes I wasn't in my house in District 4. I wasn't even in my room in District 13. I was laying in my own special bed in the Hospital wing, tubes running through my veins and monitors connected to me. I wondered what led me here again, I hated it here. I sat up just as the door opened. It was Prim.

"Oh! look who's awake" she said, obviously surprised that I was up.

"Prim, why do I always end up here?" She sighed as she checked the board at the end of my bed.

"Because you don't take care of yourself"

"What do you mean?" she finished writing on the board and moved over to the side of my bed and sat down, taking my arm and checking my wrist like the man had.

"You hadn't had anything to eat or drink in nearly 20 hours. You were so dehydrated. It's not good for you, Annie. I know you're worried, but this is ridiculous. You have to take care of yourself."

"I'm sorry" I said, sounding like I was the little girl instead of her. She took her hair out of the braids she kept them in and smiled at me.

"You braid hair, right?" I gulped. I did. I haven't in a long time.

"Yeah, it was my hobby" She turned around, so that her long blond hair was facing me.

"Would you like to braid mine? Something different, something to make me stand out. In a good way" I positioned myself and started combing through her hair with my fingers.

"Why do you want to stand out?" She smiled a little bit, trying not to blush. I couldn't see her face, but I could tell that it was turning red.

"There's this boy. He's in some of my classes. Three actually. And I kind of like him" I smiled, I remember the teenage crushes. I never really had one, I only ever had Finnick, but I remember some girls about my age who had them. They would spend hours planning ways to get together with them, fixing their hair, and giggling. It wasn't really something I got into, but I would occasionally chat with a few of them, or see them at the fish market.

"So you want something to impress him?"

"Well, yeah. That's pretty much it" I took her hair in my fingers and started to work on something the way I used to on Ione.

"There" I said, turning her to face me. She took a mirror and looked at herself in the mirror.

"Oh, It's beautiful!" she said getting up and hugging me. I had braided her hair from the right side of her face diagonally down to just under her ear on the left. With the hair that I had left, I put into a bun that resembled a flower. "When did you start braiding hair?"

The camera was facing me. I was standing in my living room, wearing a blue sundress and makeup that made me look more tan than I really was. My hair was braided back on both ends until they met in the middle, where it was knotted into place and hung down my back. I did my best to look strong and happy, like a victor should look.

"Well, it's always really warm here, so I guess I have been doing it my whole life. I didn't start taking it up as a hobby until my little sister Ione wanted me to do something different to her hair for a party she was going to. The other girls there liked it and wanted me to do their hair. It sort of spiraled from there." I smiled again, joining my hands behind my back to show off a patch of fake skin peeling off on my shoulder.

"So, I hear you got a bad case of sun poisoning and that's what delayed your trip. Can you tell us about that?" I looked over at Finnick, who was subtly motioning some of the symptoms of sun poisoning to me. I knew them already, I had had it before, but I appreciated the help. You never know when you can mess up your facts.

"It was horrible" I said, trying to look genuine. "I was going to sit on the beach and weave a new basket, but ended up falling asleep!"

"Oh, that sounds horrible. How long were you outside?" I rolled my eyes in the back of my head, as if I was trying to remember.

"Oh, I really can't remember. But it was the worst two weeks of my life."

"Two weeks?"

"I told you it was bad. I would get really hot and my skin would tingle, then suddenly I would be freezing. I was covered in blisters and was as red as a tomato for the longest time. They wouldn't let me leave my bed because I would get dizzy and the headache would come back. I can't even describe how terrible it was"

"As terrible as learning that your brother and his wife died?" I gulped. I wasn't ready to talk about Jackson, or how I knew that the Capitol did it, it wasn't an accident. Tears started to well up in my eyes and slowly a few poured down my cheek. The reporter handed me a handkerchief to dry my eyes on, but I didn't really use it. I took a deep breath, Finnick was standing as close to me as he could without getting in the picture.

"Life is the hardest and most terrible thing you can do." I said, and then realized that it probably sounded really morbid so I tried to lighten it up. "I'm just glad that I've gotten to live mine as long as I have, and have the support of all the people I do." I grabbed Finnick's hand, although he was still pretty far away from me and squeezed it, trying not to cry anymore.

"And cut" The interviewer said, turning the cameras off. He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry about your brother. That must have been so difficult, especially after surviving the games" I thought of Miles, how his life was cut so short.

"Thanks" was all I could muster the energy to say.

"But at least you'll get to go to their funeral before you leave" He said before walking away and talking about lighting to the camera crew. The next segment we were going to film was the one where I show off the braiding skills I had on some local girls I had to pretend were my friends. Finnick pulled me in for a full hug, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay. You're doing great." I started to shake.

"No I'm not. I just cried on camera. I probably look like a mess!" One of the people on my prep team grunted a little bit, as if she was agreeing with me but Mags, who was standing close to them shot them an evil glare.

"You cried over something important." I nodded, sort of agreeing. Victors were supposed to be brave and smart and have it all together. Crying wasn't any of that, and I just did it in front of all of Panem. I backed away from him, wiping my nose on my arm and headed for the kitchen.

The kitchen was an off-limits room to anyone who didn't live in the District 4 Victors Village. It was because you could still see the marks on the floor where the glass scratched it and there was a long deep scratch down the front of the refrigerator where a bloody knife stabbed it. Only my family, Mags, and Finnick knew what happened and we wanted to keep it some what of a secret, so we made up this lie that I developed a case of OCD and have rooms that only certain people could go into, the kitchen being one of them.

I walked into the small pantry connected to the kitchen and grabbed a few pieces of Nori before heading to the counter, where I sat before munching on my seaweed snack. All Nori is is seaweed that has been pressed together and forced into a thin paper sheet. I don't know if Nori is the actual name for it, but I learned in history class that before Panem, this was a treat to the people who wanted to feel 'cultured' because it came from a place called Japan. 'Nori' is what the people from Japan called it, so that is what we called it, ever since then I couldn't help but call it Nori, although everyone else just calls it seaweed paper.

"That's probably not a very good thing to be eating right before an interview" Mags said, walking into the kitchen behind me.

"Why not? It tastes good"

"But it's going to make your teeth green" I laughed a little bit, thinking of the fit my prep team is going to have before I can go on camera again.

"More work for the prep team, I suppose. What are they doing now?" I asked, wondering what the camera crew was entertaining themselves with at the moment. Mags took a glass of tea and sat down at a stool facing the counter.

"Getting interviews and such. Trivial stuff until you're ready again." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready." she took her old hand and put it in mine.

"You're strong, you can do it. Even if your smile is fake" She finished her tea and walked out of the room.

"These are some braids I designed" I said, looking at the camera trying to stay steady as I did so. Sometimes a part of my body would tense up or twitch and I couldn't necessarily control it. I walked over to a girl who was a year younger than me. She had light brown, almost blond hair that was really wavy and beautiful. "This one is good for girls with fuller hair, like Sandy" I said, trying to sound professional.

"What do you call this one?" The interviewer asked me. I froze. I never really named them, just made them.

"Um, well none of them really have a name. I just make them. I've never thought about names." I walked them through a few basic braids, using mostly Ione for the model, but sometimes they would suggest I did it on a different girl. It was hard to do even the most basic braid, with my hands shaking the way they were.

"And do you find braiding therapeutic?" The interviewer asked me, as I was struggling to grab all of the little strands of hair on a girl named Penelope. My shoulders forced themselves forward a little bit and I looked over at Finnick. He gave me two thumbs up, shaking his head, trying to tell me to answer 'yes' to the mans question.

"Yes. Very." Finnick motioned for me to say more. I didn't know what to say, so I let out a strand of words that somehow made a very good story. "When I was sick and forced in bed, Ione would visit me and I would braid her hair. Sometimes for hours. I would braid and she would tell me stories. It's how I spent most of the time that I was awake those days." My hands locked up and I had to force myself to stop attempting the braid I was working on.

"What a touching story" The camera man said, not having any emotion or true feeling behind his words. "Now, lets get some footage of you walking down the beach."

Finnick took my hand and led me to the back door that faced the beach. I reached for the handle, but my dad stopped me.

"Darling, do you think going outside so exposed is a good idea?" I was confused, I always went outside, and in less than what I'm wearing now. My prep team came around the corner, each of them with a hand on a silky blue robe. They put it over my shoulders and let my arms slide through the sleeves. It was beautiful, but I had no idea what this was all about. The blue silk ran down my arms and back like a waterfall, gliding across the floor in the most effortless way.

"What?" was all I could say. Finnick took my hand, which he had let go of to put the robe on, and looked at me.

"You're still very sensitive to the sun, so we made you this robe to protect your skin while you're out."

"Okay" I responded, still slightly confused "Thank you" I smiled at my prep team, who looked overly excited at their contribution.

The walk across the beach was nice, Finnick held a thin paper umbrella over my head as we walked, to 'protect my scalp from the sun' or something. The camera crew would ask me to flip my hair back or to smile at the camera occasionally. They had me walking on the edge of the water for a while. Finally, we reached the pier.

"Let's get some footage of you here!" The man in charge said. I didn't argue, just grabbed the umbrella from Finnick and walked to the pier alone like they wanted. "Now there's something at the end of the pier that we really want to get footage of" The camera man said mindfully.

"Alright. What is it?"

"You'll see. We want your genuine reaction" I tiptoed to the end of the pier, trying to brace myself for whatever was at the end of the pier. I couldn't tell from his voice if it was a good thing or a bad one, so I really had no idea to prepare myself for.

When I got to the end of the pier, my body went cold and my knees locked. Laying on a table under the covered structure that was used for childrens parties, diving practice, and a fishing spot for overly warm days was the body of my sister-in-law, Rebecca.

"What the hell is this?" I asked, trying not to fall over. It was just the camera men and I, nobody I knew was close enough to see what I did. The interviewer stood next to me and motioned for the cameras to roll.

"What a sweet gesture you're doing, Annie. Braiding your sister-in-law's hair for her funeral. Tell me, what made you want to do it?" I stood still, trying to make sense of all this. Then it hit me. The Capitol was breaking me from the inside. They killed them and then force me to work with the bodies of my dead loved ones, making me seem all the more harmless and sweet, when on the inside I was ready to crumble.

"I...I don't know"

"Well, I suppose there is no real reason for what we do. Now, how are you going to style her hair?"

"I...I don't know" It took all of my strength not to pass out at that moment. The Capitol was doing this, all because I wouldn't go on their stupid Victory Tour. I looked over at her body, it was so foreign. The Rebecca I knew was tall and thin, with tan skin and freckles and long reddish hair. The Rebecca I saw was nothing like that. This one was pale, with bags under her eyes. Her hair was wiry and thin, and lighter than it's natural color.

"Can we see get some footage of you working on her?" the instructor asked. I was slowly led to a chair next to Rebecca's body. I started to work my fingers through her hair. I swallowed a lump in my throat and forced a small braid to form around the frame of her face. My hands were trembling, as I tried but continued to mess up the most crucial step. A tear streamed down my face as I tried to keep it together.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" one of the cameramen said, noticing my emotional distress. I would have answered but I couldn't, not unless I wanted to start balling. And I didn't want to do that.

"Don't talk to her. We need this footage." That sent me over the edge, literally. I stood up and faced the camera crew, giving them the meanest look I could give, trying to show them that they disgusted me. Each and every one of them. I was going to run down the pier and back home, but there were people guarding my exit. I thought about all of this, how the Capitol punishes us for not doing exactly what they wanted. I couldn't get out of here as an act of defiance, I had to get out of here for some other reason.

"I'm really not feeling too good" I said, holding my head. "I think it was the sun" I walked around, trying to sway from side to side. Nobody did anything, they all just stood there. I gave up, I needed out. I put my hand on my head and leaned over, diving into the salty water below me.


End file.
